Crack files: Ventus
by Shadow of Intent
Summary: Random moments of BBS with a twist yaoi, bashing, and wtf. Mature rating just to be safe XD
1. Part 1

**Okay guys, I know I've been holding off on my old fics but I'm just going to lay it down right now. I'm still on block with "you're mine" and I'm writing another chap for "A new path" as we speak on the side. If anyone would like to help get off this writer's block and fix my problem plz message me, I would really appreciate it; just need a few suggestions and help with some "erotic" things :D. Since it's a new year, I decided to start with something fresh and funny. This is a new series/sketch ive come up with and their super short so there should be no delays. Moments of most of the KH characters changed up into completely random crap. I had a vote on which character to start off with at school and everybody decided Ventus was the main man. And I'm sure everyone agrees that he is, besides sora. *hates sora* XD**

**Anyway, hope you all enjoy it. …I OWN NOTHING, ALL CHARACTERS OWNED BY SQUARE ENIX…**

"_I hope Terra is okay…I can't believe the master didn't pass him…"_

Ventus couldn't help but sigh he walked down the hall leading to the trio's bedrooms. He knew it was Terra's own fault for summoning the darkness in battle, but that still didn't give that stupid pony-tailed bitchfuck the right to fail him for something as stupid as that. The bastard had told them hundreds of times how evil the darkness was yet fed the roaming unversed that usually hung around at night leftovers from Terra's cooking **(Terra's a terrible cook apparently XD). **

"_Come to think of it, I could have sworn I saw him holding hands with master Xehanort before the match." _

He gagged at the thought as he arrived to his bedroom door, quickly opening it and shutting it behind him.

"So much for giving him a surprise," **(Cough surprise buttsex cough) **he grumbled somewhat disappointed before throwing himself on his bed, not even noticing the dark figure leaning against the wall in the corner.

"_Mmm yeah_…_I was told we need him for future plans but I highly doubt he'll be walking once I'm done with him…Like a younger version of Jesse McCartney, except more blonde and the perfect hands to handle my-"_

"WHO ARE YOU!"

Vanitas quickly broke away from his thoughts to stare at the boy who finally took notice of him. "Like I have to tell you ki-"

"STALKER!" Ventus shouted and pointed dramatically with a finger before picking up his nightstand lamp and throwing it at the masked boy.

Vanitas quickly jumped out of the way. "Holy shit kid relax! I'm not going to_- _What the fuck!" He quickly jumped out of the way, dodging the overgrowntelescope that nearly missed his head.

"I have a right to defend myself! Aqua was right about psychopath stalkers existing; I can't believe I didn't believe her!"

"_I don't about psychopath, but I do admit I love kids." _**(Lolwut?) **Vanitas laughed evilly inside before walking over to the blonde boy cautiously. "Will you relax? I'm not a stalker **(bullshit)** and I just wanted to talk to you for a sec."

"You could have just stood outside my door instead of hiding in here like a surprise rapist."

"_And miss the possibility of you stripping out of your sweaty battle clothes? Fuck that shit."_

"Err yeah, sorry about that. It was kind of important so I really couldn't wait." He lied while rubbing the back of his neck.

Ventus sighed before crossing his arms over his chest. "Fine, what is it?" he asked somewhat annoyed now while sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Your friend Terra is going to leave you soon, and let's just say he won't be the same anymore once he does."

"Yeaaaahhh, and?" Ventus rolled his eyes waiting for him to get to the point.

"The only way for you to possibly stop him is if you go out there and see the worlds for yourself. Find him and maybe stop him from letting his darkness get to him, the choice is yours." Vanitas chuckled now as he continued to watch the boy in front of him, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of him but surprisingly, his expression didn't change a bit.

"Why would I want to stop him? It's not like if I have any control over his actions or what he does anyway. If he wants to steal hearts, get sexually molested by your master, and hit puberty really fast because of the darkness, whatever that's on him. Besides, I think dark; angst guys with freaky hair are kind of sexy." Ventus giggled before blushing while Vanitas gave him a dumbfounded look.

"_He's soooo fucking adorable! But that really wasn't the reaction I was expecting, what if he doesn't leave?"_

Vanitas thought for a second before chuckling evilly again. "So you're into men of darkness huh? Well then, what do you think about me so far?" He walked up to the boy now and gently ran one of his fingers against his cheek, causing him to jump back.

"Well I admit your outfit is pretty intimidating. But the fact that your abs stick out too clearly along with that big bulge down below, makes me think your master most likely has a thing for you and molests you while you sleep." Ventus stated simply while Vanitas's jaw dropped.

"Master Xehanort has never-"

"And the fact your wearing a mask that looks like a fishbowl makes me think your either mentally retarded and wearing it to protect yourself from further head trauma or you have the face only a mother can love and master Xehanort forced you to wear it because every time he looked at you he wanted to set himself on fire or get so drunk to the point that he couldn't even tell the difference when he looked at you."

Vanitas was speechless and could have sworn his bottom lip began to quiver slightly. The kid had balls; no one had ever talked to him like that before and besides hurt and speechless…He was pretty impressed.

"_I can't believe he said that to me! No wonder the master wants me to stalk him, I didn't think he was gonna cut it but from the looks of things now, I say he's going to kick ass…Well, after he admits he needs and wants me."_

"But Terra on the other hand, I'd let him fuck my brains out. I mean literally, on the floor, against the wall, in the master's bed, anywhere! Tough, dirty, and knows how to have fun. I can only imagine how powerful he'll be if he does turn to darkness."

While Ventus began drooling at the thoughts of his brown haired crush, Vanitas felt his black heart break at the boy's speech about his friend. How the hell could he find that arrogant, foolish brown-headed pussy better and sexier than him? He was full-fledged darkness and could easily dominate anyone he chose, yet the kid was in love with that loser?

"_Stupid kid, after I show him just how dark and crazy I can be I'm sure he'll have second thoughts about that bastard. I don't care either way, his ass is mine and mine alone…But of course I can't reveal that to him yet, Xehanort would kill me if I ruined his plans…I just have to play it off and be patient."_

Tears began to fall from his eyes now as he clenched both hands into fists. "I fucking hate you kid! The master made me wear this suit; I didn't even want to wear in the first place! And I hope you're so called friend cuts off your balls and force feeds them to you when he turns to the darkness, then you'll be sorry!" He cried out before running straight into a portal of darkness while Ventus shook his head.

"Poor bastard just couldn't handle the truth," he couldn't help but laugh for a moment before letting himself lay back against the bed. "But still…If Terra does except the darkness…Will he really become a whole new person? What if he forgets all about me?"

Besides that, he had also became aware that he had told that boy he had a crush on a guy; his best friend. What if he went and told other people, or worse. He had known Terra and could easily find him and tell him, or even possible hurt him! Na, he was sure Terra wouldn't listen to that kid and could take care of himself. But still, he could only imagine how Terra would react if he had told him, or maybe he already knew and was just waiting for him to confess. There were so many different possibilities and secrets he didn't know how to react; after all, this was his first crush, and one of the same sex.

"_I wonder what everyone would say if they found out I liked guys…I'm sure they wouldn't care. Fuck, I don't even care what they think, as long as I'm happy it shouldn't matter damnit!_

He quickly sat up and leaned over to open up the window next to his bed. He peeked his head out to look down below, hoping to find Terra somewhere but sadly he was nowhere to be seen. "Guess he hasn't left yet."

He surveyed the area again, only this time to capture the sight of his master and master Xehanort walking down the path to a garden which wasn't too close away from his window. He quickly shouted their names, causing their heads to perk up and look his way. He laughed again now and waved to them while they both smiled and waved back.

"MASTER ERAQUS GUESS WHAT? BALLS TO THE FACE ARE A GOOD THING! GUY ON GUY IS NORMAL! ISN'T THAT AWESOME!" He hollered and pumped his fist in the air cheering while Eraqus's eyes widened and his mouth dropped in shock. Xehanort on the other hand fell to the ground and began to laugh his ass off like a mad man, which caused the samurai to immediately glare down and holler at him about this being his fault and something about wanting a divorce. **(lmao XD)**

**To Be Continued…**

**Well what do you guys think so far? Didn't take me very long to write but I have to say, I was lolling the whole time I was writing this. I like Vanitas, but have to say that mask makes him look stupid, not to mention the KH creators basically cut off Sora's head, gave it an emo appearance, and pasted onto a former version of riku's dark outfit; wasn't too impressed lol. And yes, I hate Terra, don't ask me why because my list goes on and it's full of very inappropriate comments and puns. Anyway, look out for Part.2, I should have it posted soon or in a few days, since I'm working on 2 other fics as well. And don't forget to message me if you want to help me continue "You're mine," I don't need A LOT of help, I'm just blocked on certain parts, forgive me. -_-**

**REVIEW PLZ…**


	2. Part 2

**Hope you guys enjoyed part one, because I know I did. Terra sucks, Ventus ftw, Vanitas is a future ass violator and stalker, Aqua is fine as hell, Ienzo is by far the cutest character in BBS X333 and Braig is a F%$#ing douche. Those are just my opinions, but in this part I have Ventus meeting Braig early. I haven't gotten that far on Ventus's story in BBS so I'm not sure if they do or not but I don't really care lol, I wrote this anyway and had a lot of fun writing it. And I hope you readers do as well.**

**Takes place before meeting Even or Ienzo. And to all you Braig fans, you've been warned.**

…**I DON'T OWN BBS OR THE CHARACTERS ALL BELONG TO SQUARE ENIX…**

"Damnit, where did that thing go?"

Ventus quickly looked from side to side and then to the sky above. After receiving his Disney town passes from that greedy bastard of a duck, he made a mad dash to the shopping area where the large piece of dark armor had flown away. And much to his disappointment, it was nowhere to be found.

"Great, now that thing is probably running around doing god knows what to people." He sighed now as he continued walking to the exit that led to the next area.

"HEY YOU! WAIT UP FOR A SECOND!"

Ventus stopped and turned around to find a guy running up to him. Like the two castle guards he had met when he first arrived, he was wearing a similar outfit, but with the exception of a red bandana tied around his neck.

"_I wonder what he wants."_

"Hey thanks for stopping, I was thinking you were going to run away like most kids your age do." **(I wonder why?)** The man laughed and panted, trying to regain his breath.

"Um yeah…And who are you?"

"Names Braig, I just need to ask ya a few questions if it's not too much of a problem?"

"Depends on what the question is."

"Oh it's nothing much. You see, one of Ansem the Wise's apprentices just disappeared a little while ago and all the guards were sent to look for him. And so far, most of us aren't having any luck and it's already been two hours since he disappeared."

"Oh wow, that's not good. Can you tell me what he looks like? Maybe I can help you guys find him if he's that important."

Braig grinned evilly. "Man dude, where do I start. He's about your height, cute face, and a fucking fine as hell body."

Ventus raised a brow. "Umm, could you be a little more specific on physical features, or maybe what he was wearing?" **(You just had to fucking ask Ventus. XD)**

Braig jumped in an excited manner. "Fuck dude, Where to start! Well besides your height, he's got these perfect little hands, absolutely perfect for one of the best hand jobs you could ever receive. And these tight ass cheeks that could fit perfectly in the palm of anyone's hands, god their so fucking perfect you just want to squeeze them until they burst!" While Braig began to drool, Ventus instantly took a big step back.

"Oh yeah, and the best part about him is his mouth. It's very small, but god, don't let that shit fool you. I haven't seen it yet but I know that kid can fit a lot in his mouth. I've seen him be able to only fit one Popsicle in his mouth, but I know he can fit at least three, three big ones. And the fucking most amazing part about him, that tongue. Sweet fucking god his tongue, running along that Popsicle slowly up and down, catching all that melting salty goodness…It's fucking to die for kid, that's why I have to find him, for the sake that none of those special parts of him get damaged." Tears of pride and joy ran down Braig's cheeks as he finished his description.

Ventus on the other hand was terrified and on the verge of tears himself. **(Shit, I would be too DX)** Besides the fact that this guy was most likely a pedophile **(You think?)**, this was some scary shit. Whoever this kid was that these freaks were looking for, he felt pretty fucking sorry for him. And the reason why he ran away was clearly evident now after what he had just heard from this guy. He did want to help find the kid and possibly save him from a round of rectal rape, but sure as hell didn't want to end up next on this guys list for "special parts."

"Oh yeah, as for appearance he's wearing a lab coat and has lavender hair. Heh, sometimes I wish he would take that coat off and wear something more tight, show off that smooth skin and abs ya know?" Braig laughed now, while Ventus on the other hand quickly turned around and bolted the way he had come.

"_What kind of fucking place is this! This guy is worse than that masked freak! And he's still walking the streets! THIS IS BULLSHIT!"_

"HEY KID! WHERE ARE YOU GOING! I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD HOW OLD HE IS OR WHAT OUR RELATION IS!" **(CENSORSHIP!)**

'STAY AWAY FROM ME! I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!" Ventus shouted back and began to sob now.

"Damnit…So much for getting help from him, and he's a really cute kid too. Ah well," Braig shrugged before taking off in a sprint to the next area. "IENZO BABY! I'M COMING FOR YA!"

All was quiet now until the large wooden door across from the moogle shop opened. Merlin peeked his head out and looked side to side before sighing to himself. Stepping outside he stretched for a moment before calling out, "You can come out boy, that man is gone now."

Ienzo, who was shaking slightly, slowly made his way out of the wizard's house. **(Fuck, I'd be terrified too.)** "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure, he ran off in the other direction so he shouldn't find you. And don't you have at least 5 different restraining orders when it comes to him? You'll be fine." **(LIES!)**

"O-okay, if you say so. Thank you for letting me hide in your house sir."

"You're welcome, now run along now. I'm supposed to be playing a game of medieval strip poker with a tonberry and cactuar at three and don't need someone your age to witness it."

"What's the game like?"

"Believe it or not, it actually hurts pretty badly. I've got scars to prove it." **(ZING! ;D)**

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"_I have to find Terra and Aqua before that guy ends up finding them and does something to them. What the fuck is wrong with this town? Do they just sit around all day in their houses while crazy fucking rapists like that bandana wearing bastard run around and nab kids off the streets?" _**(****That's usually everywhere these days, what's new?)**

As Ventus continued to scream and rant in his head, he stopped when he caught the sight of a long blonde haired man standing in the center of the town square.

"_Maybe he can help me!"_

"EXCUSE ME SIR!" He shouted now as he ran up to him.

Even, who had been busy thinking about god knows what, turned around at the sound of his voice and crossed his arms. "Yes boy, what is it that you need?"

Ventus scratched the back of his head. "I know this is going to sound a little weird. But do you happen to know that crazy son of a bitch guard with a red bandana?" **(Nice question for a complete stranger, I think I might do that the next time I need help finding something at a local shop.)**

"By crazy son of a bitch guard, I'm guessing you're talking about Braig right?"

"Y-yeah, you know him? Oh, and you're a scientist right? He was looking for someone like you except…I think he plans to brutally rape him!"

Even rolled his eyes before laughing. "Yes in fact I'm both of what you say. And yes, my young pupil went missing and I sent him to go find him. Is something wrong with that? **(SCARY!)**

"Are you fucking for real man? This guy came up to me and went off and how sexy and good your pupil would be at doing sexual things to him, and probably other people if he manages to take him captive and make him his personal bitch. And your all calm about this!"

"Oh will you calm down? Braig won't rape my apprentice, do you know how many lawsuits, restraining orders, sexual assault, and molestation charges that man has? **(Jesus Christ…)** He's practically the town rapist, but since he owes the court and victim families so much money he's now under twenty-four hour surveillance and practically Ansem the Wise's bitch, since no one in this town would hire him."

Ventus could have sworn the air around him turned ice cold now.

"Personally I say they should have locked him up and sterilized him. But sadly, not even the jail would take him. And when execution was brought up it was immediately declined because people didn't think it would be appropriate for BBS players and most likely piss a lot of fans off.** (Fuck, I know I'd be pissed.) **So just beating him anytime he tries to do something bad was our only option."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS TOWN! I mean, I've heard some pretty fucked up shit in my life, but nothing is more bullshit then this!"

Even shrugged. "Not much I can do for you there boy. Ansem the Wise makes all the decisions, so until Hojo becomes president or someone manages to overrun the town with heartless, nothing's going to change."

"You people need some serious help! Oh shit…Aqua…Terra…I know their around here somewhere, I have to warn them!"

"I guess this would be a bad time to mention Braig has also taken an interest in that blue-haired young lady." Even replied while Ventus immediately turned around and ran back the way he came why screaming and sobbing "oh god, oh god, oh god!"

"Ugh, why do I feel like I'm going to be meeting that kid again someday, but only this time in a different body and deeper voice?"

"I don't know, maybe you will." A tall red-headed boy appeared out of nowhere and laughed.

Even's gaze shifted toward him now. "Hm…And why do I feel like you're going to stab me with something very large and unpleasant?" **(ZING!)**

"Because you're a complete bastard and we all hate you."

**To be continued…**

**Pfft…My buddy was literally laughing the whole time I wrote this today, and I got to admit I was too. And if you laughed at Ienzo's misfortune to be in a situation like this, I gotta tell you, you're going to hell…Hey! Don't look at me like that I just wrote the fic and all this crap came to mind. Seriously though, I really can't help myself sometimes. I don't hate Braig, I just felt the need make him sound like a complete sicko and did. Anyway, last chap will be posted sometime soon and Vanitas will be coming back, oh no! :O**

**Oh yes, and if any of you have seen wiki dramaticas on certain video games and etc, you'll see some pretty fucked up summaries on characters from certain video games, TV shows, books, etc…I read the FFVII character list and could NOT stop laughing, but couldn't find any good ones on the KH page…So I went out of my way and made my own dramatica summaries on a certain bunch of characters and thought I'd post them up, Which you'll see in the last chap of this fic, and on the next. I hope you guys enjoy them. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed this chap in some way and keep a look out for chapter 3! It'll be up soon!**

**REVIEW PLZ!**


	3. Finale

**Hope all you readers have enjoyed this fic so far. I'll be posting a poll up on which character to do next later on, but that won't be for a while lol. Anyway, like I said before in the last chap I'd be posting a dramatica on a character at the beginning. And since I'm not so fond of Braig, he's first. Enjoy!**

**Braig**- a snotty, lazy fuck, child molesting asshole who spends most his time flapping to an image of Xehanort or Ienzo. He became a guard/man-whore to the radiant garden castle for all the debts he failed to pay off **(most likely all sexual assault or molestation charges)** and basically has to do anything his pimp tells him to do. When off duty he's either raping Terra, Ventus, Arlene, Ienzo, Xion, Aqua or Xehanort; or brutally murdering the parents of hot sexy little blonde boys. **(Lol Ventus)** Many ppl say his scars and eye were taken by terra, when in reality during a round of sex with aqua; she accidently grabbed a hold of his face during climax instead of his back. **(Ya, not as planned)**

**-I DON'T OWN ANYTHING BESIDES THE LITTLE RANT ABOVE THIS XD-**

"_Son of a bitch…I can't believe this is happening_…" Ventus thought as he continued to try and move his frozen body.

First that prickly faced son of a whoremonger Eraqus tried killing him, then Vanitas confronted him that they were the same person and needed to become one again **(rape)** to summon a retarded looking keyblade, and now he couldn't even feel his body after being frozen and dropped off the edge of a cliff.

"_What a bullshit way to die…The fucking bastard said he needed to capture me, yet fucking froze me to the point where my heart could stop…DAMNIT! Where's Aqua and Terra when I need them?"_

"Finally, now no one will interrupt us…" Ventus struggled to move his head to the side, only to find Vanitas walking up to him, keyblade in hand.

"You b-bastard! Why the hell are you doing this to m-me!"

"Don't look at me! I didn't want this to happen, but it was the only way to keep you from running away and safe," Vanitas laughed now as he gazed down at the frozen boy.

"How is me trying to beat the living shit out of you and your master with my friends running away? And in case you haven't fucking noticed, your child molesting son of a bitch of a master froze me like a Popsicle and threw me off a cliff! Is that your definition of safe!"

"Geez relax…Once we become one again, everything will be fine."

"So you can get your keyblade and unlock the ways to other worlds and start a war? You're just making things worse!"

Vanitas immediately jumped on top of the boy and straddled his frozen armored hips. "Na, I rather not get killed by that mouse and your sister. I just want to make sure you never leave my side again that's all."

"You've been stalking and trying to kill me since day one! Why would I ever want to be with you?"

"Because you'd be better off with me then that pussy Terra! And besides…"

"W-what?"

Vanitas couldn't help but smirk. "Let's just say he'll be hitting puberty fast once Xehanort takes care of him." **(RAPE!)**

"W-what do you mean?" **(X-treme makeover bitch!)**

Vanitas tried his best not to laugh. "Just trust me, you won't recognize him when you see him again," he leaned down and grasped both the arms of the frozen boy, causing him to cry out in pain.

"Let go man, that hurts!"

"_That's what he should be saying when I'm halfway done with him."_

"I barely even touched you. Don't tell me Terra's pussy-pussness rubbed off on you! I won't allow it!"

"SHUT UP AND GET THE HELL OFF ME! I think I broke my arm from that fall and for some reason…I can't feel anything below my waist."

Vanitas quickly jumped off him. "What do you mean you can't feel anything?"

"I mean I can't feel my legs. I don't know what level blizzard spell Xehanort used but besides my legs…I think my balls and dick are about to fall off."

Slight dread coursed through Vanitas now. "That's not good…Tell me if you feel this," he ordered and raised his keyblade above his head.

"NO! WAI-"

_**SLAM!**_

Ventus squeezed his eyes shut the moment the blade came down, expecting an award of mind blowing pain to his leg, but surprisingly, no pain came. He cracked open an eye to find the blade end located…Right on his armored crotch. **(Weak!)**

"Did you feel that?"

"N-no…Oh man, what if I have to have my legs caught off? Or worse…Not be able to use the bathroom anymore! OH GOD WHY!"

"_Oh god why indeed! I can't take over his body if his legs don't work. Or worse…How the hell am I going to get him to scream my name in ecstasy if I can't screw him? Blowjobs don't cut it!" _**(I'm sure Lea wouldn't care either way.)**

"Easy! I've got this covered!" Vanitas crouched down next to him and called forth a fira spell which consumed one of his hands.

"Get away from me! If I wanted to be roasted like a fucking Christmas goose I would have committed suicide in the castle furnace back home."

"Shut up, I'm going to thaw you out. Or would you rather sit here and die knowing that you most likely lost your dick to an old bastard's magic?" **(ZING!) **

Ventus didn't have time to answer when red flames suddenly consumed his body. Instead of the incineration he was expecting, he got nothing but the pleasant warmth his body so desperately wanted, causing him to moan while Vanitas grinned.

The fire was called off moments later. "Try to move your legs now."

There was a grunt of displeasure, but the blonde complied and managed to move them both slightly. Both boys sighed with relief now, "I still can't really feel anything…"

"Then allow me!" Vanitas called off his weapon to lift the boy off the ground bridal style.

"Put me down! I want nothing to do with you or your master's plans, just leave me be!"

"I just saved your ass from some serious frost bite and you still hate me? What the hell's your problem?"

"I have to find Terra! Plus you're trying to start another war for evil reasons!"

"Well fuck Terra and the war. I admit I was going to make us one again so we could summon the X-blade, but then I realized something…"

"Err…What?"

"If we become one, how the hell am I supposed to have my way with you? It would be like me masturbating in front of a bunch on unversed with no feeling at all; As well as using my own tears as lubricate since I couldn't have you sucking on my fingers for lube."

"Wow, you must be one pathetically lonely guy."

"Shut up…" The dark boy growled now and began walking away from the battle field.

"H-hey, where are you taking me!"

"Well seeing that we're pretty much all fucked anyway due to the bullshit ending square enix made for this game, I was thinking we go somewhere more suitable so we could spend some well-deserved "quality" time together." **(Surprise butt-secks)**

"NO! I have to find Terra and…Oh shit, AQUA! I forgot all about her! I have to go save her from Braig!"

Vanitas continued to walk on. "Na, you won't have to worry about her. I told Braig he could do whatever he wanted to do but kill her."

"HOW COULD YOU TRUST A MAN LIKE THAT WITH A TEENAGE GIRL! Do you have any clue what that sick bastard has done!"

"Pfft, no duh. He's lived with us long enough to know he has a thing for kids, since he got banned from staying at the castle. Oh and believe it or not, has a HUGE collection of pictures of Ienzo and Xehanort."

"B-but Aqua will-"

"Be fine unless I say otherwise. Now let's get out of here before Master Xehanort finds out." **(LIAR!)** He declared and took off in a run while the blonde began to shout and try to break free of the dark boy's hold.

**Meanwhile…**

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Aqua shouted as she dodged a swarm of bullets.

Braig laughed as he continued shooting at the blue-haired brunette, "COME BACK BABE! I'm not gonna hurt ya!"

"_After being shot over twenty times with those guns, ya right."_She groaned and continued to run behind some large rocks. _"I just hope Ventus is okay…I can't let this bastard hurt him!"_

An explosion of rocks behind her caused to lurch forward, landing hard on her side as she cried out in pain. As she sat up, she turned her around to find Braig walking up to her, an evil grin on his face as he pointed a gun at her. **(Rape face!)**

"Finally got you where I want you babe…" He took a step closer while she slid back a little. "You've been a real pain in the ass."

"I wouldn't be such a pain in the ass if you would just leave Ventus alone!" She shouted and stood up now.

"C'mon babe, the kid is gonna be fine. Old Xehanort and fishbowl head need him alive…And they left me in charge of taking care of you. But I gotta say your waaaay hotter than any of the whores I've met."

"Excuse me?" Aqua's mouth dropped open as she demanded an answer.

"What I'm just saying," Braig snickered before pulling out a small piece of paper from his pocket. "Says here you're a total slut, you get off on playing with your little best friends ding-dongs…"

Aqua grit her teeth as one of her brows began to twitch in anger.

"Oh, and apparently your own master sterilized you in your sleep so you wouldn't end up having Terra's bastard chi-"

SLAM!

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK!" Braig fell to the ground, gripping his knee in agony as Aqua stood before him in utter rage. "WHO told you that?"

Aqua slammed her keyblade against his other knee, and then his stomach while he again cried out in pain. "Shit lady, your ex-boyfriend already ripped out of one my eyes. I don't need to be vomiting up one of my kidneys next!"

"Then tell me who!" She shouted again and continued to beat him with her weapon, not even taking notice to an all too familiar mouse running up to her.

"Okay okay! It was Vanitas! He didn't like the way you kept on hugging and spending time with Ventus that he posted all kinds of dirt about you being a slut and crap all over the walls of Radiant Garden after you left. Oh, and that includes with the things I said before and that you have a big lesbian crush on Maleficent." **(lmao)**

"Hey Aqua, do you need help beating this guys-"

"SHUT UP!" The girl shouted enraged and swung her keyblade at the voice behind here, only to be rewarded with a loud gashing sound and a thud to the ground. Both turned their attention to the sounds and gasped at the sight of Mickey's body falling to the ground while his head rolled off a good distance away. **(The king is dead! *cheers*)**

"Holy fucking sweet babe! You didn't have to kill him!"

Aqua immediately dropped her keyblade and began to have a panic attack. "Oh god…oh no, oh no, oh no…I'm so fucking dead, I didn't mean to do it!"

Braig, who had snuck an elixir, got up and stood beside her, looking down at the bloody mess of what was left of King Mickey. "Shit babe, I can only imagine the look on Walt Disney's face if he was alive to see this; fucking priceless," he began to laugh before being elbowed in the side.

"This isn't funny you asshole! Son of a bitch I'm so fucked, they're going to lock me up for good once people find out what I did."

"Well maybe your friends, but if the Disney villains find out what you did they'll look up to you like a god damn hero babe, so I guess that's a good thing right?"

"No its not! This wasn't supposed to happen just…Shit, why did it have to be his whole head! What the fuck are we going to do with the body!"

Braig licked his lips for a moment before grinning. "I know what we can do to the body." He began to rub his hands together deep in thought. **(Insert naughty music here XD)**

This time she elbowed him in the gut. "You sick son of a bitch, how the hell could you even think about doing something like "that" to his body; and without a head too!"

"This isn't the first time I've done something like this…"

"What!"

"What?" Braig quickly followed after. "I was thinking we could just throw the body over the cliff and blame Vanitas or Xehanort for it. I used to do it all the time before people began figuring out my hiding places."

Ignoring his words, she covered her face with both hands and began to sob while muttering things about how she should just blow her brains out now and save everyone some time, causing the older man to roll his eyes and sigh. He walked over to the king's decapitated body and quickly grabbed it by the tail before teleporting over by his head and kicking it over a nearby cliff.

"C'mon babe, quit crying over something like this. What's done is done alright?" he laughed before tossing the body over the cliff. "But I have to say though, for a girl you're age your pretty fucking crazy…I kind of like that."

Aqua removed her hands from her face to glare at him. "I didn't do this on purpose you bastard; you think this is fucking funny? There's no way I can show my face to my friends once they found out what I did!"

Braig threw an arm over her shoulders. "Listen, if you play it cool they won't find out all right? Besides, Vanitas or Xehanort are most likely going to be blamed anyway." He replied before removing his bandana to wipe her tears away.

"Okay…I hope your right."

"OH GOD! HE'S DEAD! WHO COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING AS HORRIBLE AS THIS!"

"Can I borrow one of your guns for a minute?" Aqua groaned in utter depression now. **(Suicide!)**

"THIS PLACE IS GOING TO HELL AND BACK! WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE LIKE THIS!"

"No, you sit tight, I've got this." Braig let her go walked over to the edge of the cliff, only to find Terra who was looking more like Xehanort now poking at the dead body with his keyblade.

"Hey asshole!"

Terra looked up. "What the hell do you want? Did you do this?"

"And what if I did? It's not like it's any of your business anyway."

"DID YOU DO THIS!"

"Yeah, but with the help of your crazy girlfriend, who I might add has an amazing rack."

"Braig, what the hell are you doing!" Aqua shouted before punching him.

"You're lying! Aqua would never do such a thing and besides, why the hell would she be with when she can be with me? I'm not the one going around molesting underage children."

Braig laughed again. "I'd hate to say this kid but your worse than that mother fucker Riku. **(Truth!) **And at least I don't look like a future pedophile."

"YOU ARE A PEDOPHILE YOU DUMBASS!"

"Yeah, but with your new appearance you're bound to makeany ten-year old loose his virginity with just one stare at you!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!"

Braig immediately pulled out a small mirror from his pocket and tossed it down to the changing boy. "Might want to take a look at yourself now kid, no chick wants to be humping a nightmare like you!"

Terra caught the mirror and brought it up to his face in suspicion, only to drop the mirror second later with his eyes going wide.

"OH MY GOD! MY FACE! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PERFECT SKIN! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCK VENTUS LOOKING LIKE THIS!"

While Terra continued shouting nonsense, Braig began laughing again before turning his attention to Aqua, who was on the ground sulking with her head down.

He walked up and knelt beside her. "Why are you upset? You should be laughing and pointing with me at this freak now."

"Terra's going to transform into a man that sounds like he's having an orgasm every time he speaks isn't he?" **(Spoiler.)**

"Yep."

"I'm going to suffer in the realm of darkness and get my ass beat by a bunch of Disney freaks for killing the king aren't eye?"

"I'd have to say yes on that on."

"Ventus is most likely going to be raped and have his heart sealed inside the body of a six-year old boy after all this crazy shit is over with too right?" **(spoiler…Wait what? XD)**

"Bingo babe!" Braig pulled her up to stand.

"Do you think it might be possible to get Maleficent to let me stay with her for a while?"

"Wouldn't see why not, Why her place?"

"Because after this game ends, I just want a drink and a good fuck; And by good fuck I mean I don't want to be able to walk straight until the next kingdom hearts game comes out."

The bulge in Braig's pants stood up instantly. **(giggity!) **"Well what the fuck are we waiting for babe? A sexy party at the hundred year old virgin's castle it is!" He quickly grabbed her arm and the two skipped off into the dusty sunset. **(What should have been Aqua's ending. XD)**

**Back to Ventus…**

"Can you put me down now; I'm surprised we didn't get sucked into any of those dark vortexes. **(Those things were a pain in the ass -_- .)**

"Darkness doesn't fuck with other dark beings. Well…Except Terra, darkness hates pussies too." Vanitas thought for a moment before setting the blonde boy down on a rocky ledge. The two were now standing before a grand view of the waste land, a vast number of keyblades scattered around below like an ocean. Making the sight look more ancient then it already was.

"Wow…This is amazing..." Ventus gapped before sitting down, letting his feet dangle over the ledge.

"I know right? This was my favorite place to just sit and think before all this crap happened." Vanitas replied before sitting down beside him."

"Didn't think psychopaths like you were capable of sitting and thinking things through."

Vanitas pouted, "I'm not a psychopath. Perverted yes, Stalker no shit, but a psychopathic rapist, definite no. If was that bad I would have burned you to a crisp when I thawed you out, peeled your skin off and made it into a sweater for my master. Or maybe just possess you and make you wave your dong to people in Disney town."

Ventus immediately scooted over. "Okay, that's a little too much dude." **(Lol)**

"Yes, I know. But I'm pure darkness, so shit like that happens all the time," Vanitas grinned and scooted closer to the blonde, wrapping an arm around him to stop his attempts of getting away from him. "Soooo, seeing that we're all screwed in some way…What do you say we have a little screw fest of our own while there's still time huh?"

Ventus gave him a nervous look. "Um no thanks, I'm kind of tired and still can't feel my legs."

"Nothing wrong with that babe, I can take care of everything for you," He quickly began removing pieces of the blonde's armor.

"No stop, Can't I enjoy my last moment of freedom without being sexually assaulted by a freak in a mask!" Ventus struggled and pushed Vanitas away.

Vanitas sighed in defeat but didn't let the boy go. "Fine you little brat, but seriously, be thankful your stuck with me rather than Braig."

Ventus sighed with relief before gently snuggling his face in the dark boy's neck, "Thanks…"

Vanitas tried his best not to growl, "You're just tempting me now kid, you better come up with something to do before I lose my fucking mind all over your chest and face." **(Sounds tasty. ;D)**

"I don't know! What do you usually do besides sex and playing with yourself?"

"Think about you…"

Ventus rolled his eyes. "There must be something else besides that. God, I might as well throw myself off the cliff right now."

Vanitas thought for a moment before snapping his fingers and letting the boy go. "I just got the perfect idea!"

"Really, what is it?"

Vanitas raised both his hands in the air, summoning two large dark bubbles. "Master Ansem said this is the best thing to give to underage kids when you're bored, sexually frustrated, and want to feel sexy." Two large glass bottles fell in his hands as the darkness vanished.

"Vodka!"

**Less than a mile away…**

"I should have just stayed home…Why did I let that old bastard talk me in to giving myself to darkness?" Terra sobbed as he continued walking, not even paying attention to where he was going.

"Sixteen and already growing white hair, God I'm such a fucking idiot! What am I going to tell Aqua and Ventus? There's no way they'll take me back…I know! Once my skin turns completely tan **(spoiler)** and I start having wet dreams of a blue-haired werewolf **(spoiler)**, I'll create a badass terrorist group and create havoc in all the worlds! Pure genius!"

Terra laughed evilly as he continued walking, only to fall flat on his ass when he bumped into something rather hard.

'What the hell!"

"I suggest you watch where you're going boy." Terra looked up to find an old man with a ponytail in a white lab coat sneering down at him. **(Hojo rules!)**

"What the hell are you doing a place like this old man?" Terra asked and quickly sat up.

"Well I was looking for my son…But I think you might be a little more interesting than him right now."

"KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME!" A voice out of nowhere shouted.

"Pure genius you say? You think you're a genius?"

Terra crossed his arms, "Of course I am! Nothing can go wrong for what I'm going to do in the future!" **(He jinxed it!)**

"Oh really? Okay then so called genius…Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Huh?"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Hm…?"

"To die in the name of science!"

"Uh…Okay, what does that have to do-

Hojo quickly pulled out a chainsaw and started it, Causing Terra's eyes to widen and quickly bolt off in a random direction.

"GET BACK HERE!" The scientist shouted and quickly chased after him.

**(Terra fails, end of story!)**

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"And t-then he told me to spread my legs and sqqquuuueeeeeaaaaaal like a pig! It was awful!"

"That must have been sheeeet!"

Vanitas, who was no longer wearing his mask, was sobbing on Ventus's shoulder while the blonde did his best not to fall backwards. The empty bottles of vodka lay forgotten behind them.

"S-since then, he made me wear this mask…" Vanitas picked up his mask off the ground and began shaking. "And like you said, I only have the face a mother could love-OH MY GOD! I DON'T HAVE A MOTHER!"

"I don't have one either…And I didn't mean what I said, I think you have a pretty face!"

Vanitas wiped his tears away, "You think so?"

Ventus grabbed a hold of Vanitas's face. "I know soooo…You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen, I could stare at you all day!"

"Heeeeeey, if we're going to get married you're going to be the woman a-and I'll treat you like a princess." Vanitas pointed a finger at his nose."

"Oh my god, we should- do you know what we should do?" Ventus wrapped an arm around Vanitas's head. "We should just go! Like go somewhere big with giant hamsters-OH! And lots and lots of ice cream."

"Noooo! Let's go to a big castle and dance like that bitch Cinderella. We c-couldz-I could wear a suit and I'll buy you a pretty dress and we could dance on top of the castle until we fall off together!"

Ventus began laughing. "Then bitch slap that bitch for- those are my glass slippers BITCH!"

It was Vanitas turn to laugh. "I'll hit her," he grabbed one of Ventus's hands and began licking it. "Don't want you to ruin your hands-Your wedding ring is going to go heeeeeereee!" He licked his ring finger.

"I love you vontox!"

"It's Vanitas."

"Vartus?"

"Vanitas!"

"Vagina?"

"VANITAS!"

"Vanny?"

"Close enough!" Vanitas pushed the boy down and forced his tongue in the blonde's mouth, causing him to moan and wrap his arms around the dark boy. As the two continued to make out in a drunken frenzy, a small ball of light gently began to circle them, growing brighter as it got closer to the couple.

The couple broke apart and squinted at the bright light. "The sun is mad!"

The ball of light stopped moving, its brightness beginning to grow dimmer now. "Hello you two!"

Ventus pointed at the ball. "Tinker bell?"

"Boys, you must follow the sphere of light to great beyond! There you two will have many quests of love, friendship, and happiness that await you, do you accept this offer?" **(Don't go towards the light!)**

Ventus and Vanitas jumped in excitement and linked arms, "WE DO! ADVENTURE!"

"Then follow me!" The sphere of light floated away while the boys began chasing after it.

**OoOoOooOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**(Reality)**

"Ventus! Please wake up! I'm here now!" Aqua shouted as she tried shaking the non-moving/breathing boy awake.

"It won't do you any good, I'm afraid his heart is gone for now. Yen cid sighed while shaking his head.

"Man, who would have thought he would have been stupid enough to jump off a cliff with thousands of sharp blades sticking out at the bottom." Braig sighed while trying to calm a very upset aqua down. A beaten up Eraqus and tall white-haired man also present and crying. **(Xemnas)**

"Teenagers, how stupid can they get!"

"Is this a bad time saying that Hojo might have raped Terra?"

"What was the time of death?" Braig asked.

"I don't know, four hours ago?"

"Who cares about the boy! What about King Mickey!" Donald and Goofy demanded.

Eraqus and Xemnas immediately grabbed onto each other, sobbing louder about the poor boy, it being their fault, and something about never being able to make another. **(Lol wut?)**

**END…? **

**Okay, I think the ending was a little weird but I don't care. I'm still loling at this. If anyone doesn't get the light joke I gave a clear hint at the top and if you still don't get it…Well then I hope you go running towards the light soon. Anyway, hope people enjoyed the fic and I'll put the poll up soon. Reviews would be nice if possible please!**


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